


Shatter Me

by navyhurricane



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Betrayal, F/M, Fluff, Reader-Insert, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-07-28 12:59:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7641241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/navyhurricane/pseuds/navyhurricane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You decided to lock away your emotion as a child after you lost your family. A wall. Impenetrable defences. Your older and adoptive sister Annie is safe within the walls, but you are going beyond them. She was all you had until you were brought into Squad Levi, where you fell in love and made four close friends. But will the expedition break those walls...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shatter Me

            ~Five years ago~

 

   "(Y/n), run!"

   Your doomed older brother dangles from the bloody lips of a Titan. The beast looks down at him with large blue eyes, and bites down. The Titan is on his hands and knees, it's teeth mere feet away from you. The spray of blood coats your body, and your brothers scream of agony makes you cry. 

   Mother and Father are already dead, eaten by this Titan with scraggly blonde hair. The pinkish skin is speckled with red, running down its horrid face in rivulets. 

   "I said RUN DAMNIT!"

   You flinch at your brothers tone, and stare up at him with huge tearful eyes. He sees this, and tries for a smile. 

   "Don't cry. If you cry, people will see that your vulnerable. That's not good-"

   The Titan grinds it's teeth, and your brother cuts off into screams. His upper body falls to the floor, and the Titan moves it's face away from your house, and suddenly it's gone.

   You suddenly gasp as a gigantic impact makes the foundation of your house shake.

   The Titan hits the ground again, but you don't care; your already beside your brothers dying body. Body fountains out of his waist, and you can't glance down because he has nothing below his hips. It's gone. 

   Blood oozes out of his mouth, but he reaches a shaky hand up to touch your cheek. 

   "P-Promise me you won't cry again unless you lose something so important...promise me!"

   Wiping away tears, you but on a brave face, but internally, you are chasing every emotion down with a net, dragging them to the depths of your heart and chaining them down with millions of locks. It doesn't do anything to help the hurt in your body.

   You grasp your brothers hand so tightly the already blood deprived fingers turn an even paler shade. When you speak, your voice has already taken an emotionless tune.

   "I promise."

 

            ~Present~

 

   "Petra, it's fine."

   "But (Y/n)! You don't want the straps to be loose!" 

   "I might die from your fucking scary-ass strength before I die from a shitty loose strap." 

   Eld bursts out in laughter at your regular deadpan voice. Petra sends a glare his way, making him shut up as she tightens another strap across your chest. You grab her hands, and try to push her away as gently as possible, but her strength in this moment over powers yours. 

   She ducks down, and reaches for a strap on your thigh, pulling on it. You cross your arms and send an emotionless glare at Gunther. "Help me. I can't fucking feel my toes and her incessant fussing is damn annoying."

   Gunther opens his mouth, but Olou cuts him off. "You brat, we are still more superior! You'd better watch your tongue, or-" 

   "-Or I'll bite the tip off pretending to be Levi? Mm. Fun."

   Oluo sends a glare your way, but before he can retort, cuts himself off by clamping his teeth down on his tongue. He howls in pain, but you just go back to pushing Petra off your legs.

   Quiet footsteps enter, but you don't even look up. "Hello, Levi." You accept the silence as a greeting back, and with a hard shove, Petra slides across the stables floor. Immediately, you start undoing all the straps on your body, much to Levi's shock. 

   "(L/n), what the fuck are you doing?" 

   You glance at him, and with a final clip unbuckled, the harness falls around your feet. "Breathing. Talking to you. Petra decided to be a mother goose and was trying to spare me of the Titan's wrath by attempting to strangle me to death. Undoing the harness. It fell. Still breathing."

   Levi pinches the bridge of his nose, which also translates to a facepalm. Eld and Gunther are shaking with suppressed laughter. Levi stares at you blankly. "I just last Cadet Kirstein in the hall. Why was muttering ways to kill you and looked like he was constipated?"

   Eld and Gunther lose it. Oluo even bursts out laughing. Petra doubles over, rolling on the ground and holding her stomach. You blink at them. "What? I only retorted basically what Jean said to me. It's not my fault it's true." Your words send the group for another wave of hysterics. Levi stands unamused in the stables, running a hand through his hair. The problem with you is that you say what you think. And what you think can be dirty beyond the boundaries of anything anybody could say.

   "What did you fucking say to Kirstein?"

   You reach down for the harness, and start to put it back on. "It was last night at dinner, and I broke up a fight between Jean and Eren. Again. Then Jean told me 'Awe, protecting your boyfriend?' and I ignored him. Then he said 'I bet you suck him and his small dick off every day after training' and I just looked at him and..."

   Petra explode into giggles, and Eld pounds the stool beside him. 

   "I asked him 'Jean, what is worse than Mikasa rejecting you? He didn't know so I told him, 'When your hand falls asleep as you jerk of to her.'

   Levi blinks. Gunther gasps for air, Petra shrieks in amusement, and the rest of the team loses it completely. It's been awhile since somebody heard such a dirty joke, and from you who could deliver it without a sign of shame... 

   You stand there unfazed. "It's quite bad. Correct?" Levi pinched the bridge of his nose. "...Insanely...fucking...bad..."

   Somebody tells something from outside the stables, and you clip the last buckle back into your body. Levi walks over to his horse, and quickly mounts as he brings it out of the stables. "Hurry up. Erwin won't wait forever."

 

            ~~~~~ (start the song Shatter Me by Lindsey Stirling!it isn't perfectly timed btw but tru your best to back the song up to match it!)

 

   You can't help but stare at the shattered bone inside Gunther's neck. His dark eyes are dry, and his skin is deathly pale. He swings freely from one cable, the other one sliced in half.

   Oh. He's dead. 

   Suddenly, the Female Titan is right behind you in a flash of gold and slight green. The force of the shift makes your body rush forwards, narrowly avoiding the skinless hand that comes to smack you.

   Eren scream about how he's going to kill it, but Eld stops him. Your head whips around to see the cold blue eyes of the Titan. You expect to see nothing in them but the dull glare of murder, but that colour...looks so...familiar...?

   "No! Us four will kill it! Eren! You get back to headquarters as fast as you can!"

   Your cables shoot out again, impaling the thick branch of a tree.

   "I'm fighting with you!"

   "No! This is what's best! Your powers are too much of a risk!"

   Oluo swoops closer. "You shit! Are you doubting our skills?"

   Petra's face takes on a horrified look. "Is that right, Eren?" 

   You nod, asking a question. "Do you have that little faith in us?"

   Something must click in the boys mind, because immediately he turns and speeds off, "I have faith in my squads victory!" 

   Smiling slightly, Petra turns and follows her squad back to the Female Titan, who is right on their tail. 

   Eld darts forwards, only to retreat. You and Oluo shoot a cable so it plants itself in the skinless cheeks, and spin so the eyes are taken out.

    _I pirouette in the dark,_

_I see the stars through a mirror._

   The Titan stumbled backwards, hands covering the nape of its neck.  

   Slash after slash, this part of the Levi squad cuts through the solid muscle of the shoulders, making them slide down with every laceration.

    _Tired mechanical heart,_

_Beats til the song disappears._

   Eld swoops in for the neck, and that's when the Titan moves.

    _Somebody shine a light,_

_I'm frozen by the fear in me._

   Teeth clamp hard around his body, and time seems to stop. Blood flies from his body as the Female spots him out. You hear Petra scream his name.

    _Somebody make me feel alive_

_And shatter me._

   You gasp for air, and shoot your cables away. He's dead. Oluo follows your example, screaming at Petra to move. The Titan stands, and runs towards her as she stays low to the ground. 

   The snap of her spine under the bare foot is audible as you speed past. 

   Out of the corner of your eye, you catch Oluo being kicked out of the air. Red follows him as his broken body spirals out of sight.

   You freeze midair, and forget what you are doing. Your cable misses it mark and you are snapped harshly back into a tree, smacking your head on the bark. Dazed, you look up to see one cable and hook deep in the wood; the only thing keeping you from falling. Blood drips down your back, and you clumsily feel the back of your head. Your hand comes away sticky and warm.

   They're dead. 

   All gone.

   Just memories.

   You gasp, and grit your teeth as blue eyes comes into your vision. Anger swells in you, and stealthily, you click the trigger on your maneuvering gear and speed to the side, away from the face of the Titan. 

    _So cut me from the line._

   You spin midair, and see the hand of the Titan coming for you. 

    _Dizzy, spinning endlessly._

   As the fingers near you, you arch your back, and prepare to retract the cables.

    _Somebody make me feel alive_

_And shatter me._

   You pinwheel up the arm of the Titan and across the front of her neck. Shit. You should've gone for the eyes.

   With the steam coming from the body, you would think it would make it hard to see. No. You use the steam to your advantage, swooping in where the Titan can't see. 

   Cuts appear a over the frame of the Titan, and you move too fast for the thing to catch. 

    _Shatter me._

_Somebody make me feel alive_

_And shatter me._

 

            ~~~~~

 

   It escaped. But just barely.

   You had cut the legs off, and now they're steaming hunks of bone on the forest floor. 

   You had cut the left arm off, and it's with the legs. The face is a smoking sheet of skin on the grass. 

   Large and small chunks of flesh sit in trees, on the ground. The trees are wet with evaporating blood. 

   You are kneeling on the ground, head bent and 3DMG out of gas. 

    _If only the clockwork could speak,_

_Then I wouldn't be so alone._

   The forest is silent except for the occasional breeze or shift of the trees.

   Your blades lay completely dull and bloody on the ground around you. The cables of your gear are snapped haphazardly along the grass, cut from the force of the Female Titan. Right before she escaped, she broke your cords.

    _We burn every magnet and string,_

_And spiral into the unknown._

   A dark feeling sits in your gut, chewing at your insides. You sit there, shivering in your torn cape and jacket. The leather straps you had loosened before-

   Your thoughts are interrupted by two hands clamping on your shoulders. The hands shake your frame, and you look up into steel blue eyes.  

    _Somebody shine a light,_

_I'm frozen by the fear in me._

_Somebody make me feel alive_

_And shatter me._

   "Levi...?"

    _So cut me from the line._

_Dizzy, spinning endlessly._

_Somebody make me feel alive_

_And shatter me._

   You feel a burning in your eyes, and blink rapidly to try and clear it. It doesn't work.

   Levi stops still when he sees the tears fall from your face. You never cried. You didn't show your feelings. But... 

   "She killed them all!" You scream, anguish and grief overflowing in your voice. "She-she killed them! She killed them she killed them she killed them!" You bury your face in your hands as a flood hits your eyes. 

    _Shatter me._

   All the pain over the years. All the grief and anger and fear and regret and emotion comes back and hits you over and over in waves. Every _feeling_ returns to you as form wracking sobs, every nerve is on fire with _emotion_. 

   You feel a hand on your shoulder, and you turn your face up to see Levi's. His arms yank you in for an embrace, and you curl your hands against his sternum. You hadn't noticed he had sunk down to the ground with you.

    _Somebody make me feel alive_

_And shatter me._

_If I break the glass then I'll have to fly._

_There's no one to catch me if I take a dive._

_I'm scared of changing_

_The days stay the same._

_The world is spinning but only in grey. (x2)_

   You cry into his shirt, soaking it with your pain, your anguish, your hidden feelings.

   Levi hold your trembling form tight, making sure he never wavers in his grip.

    _Somebody shine a light,_

_I'm frozen by the fear in me._

_Somebody make me feel alive_

_And shatter me._

_So cut me from the line._

_Dizzy spinning endlessly._

_Somebody make me feel alive_

_And shatter me._

 

            ~~~~~

 

   The gates open to the city. People are lined up to see the return of the Corps, the return of their sons or daughters, or their mother or father. Levi gets off his horse and helps you down, since yours ran away. The stone is hard under your sore feet, but his cloak, soaked in his scent, makes it all go away.

    _Shatter me._  

   A man comes up to you both, asking for and taking about Petra. Oh. Her father. He's talking about...marriage? Petra wanted to marry Levi? 

    _What? No...but...what about me...? I lo-_

_Wait. What?_

   After telling Petra's father Petra is dead, Levi clamps his hand around your arm and leads you to HQ faster then the rest of the Corps.

 

             ~~~~~

 

   He locks the door to his office and sits behind his desk. You slouch in the chair, silent since the forest.  

   "Who were you yelling about?" Levi's voice is gentle and soothing to hear, and as you think about the Titan Shifter, tears well in your eyes again. 

   "The Shifter. I know her." 

   Levi leans forwards, hands clasped. 

   "It's my adoptive sister. Annie Leonhart." Levi frowns. 

   "That brat joined the MP's, correct?" You nod, and suddenly there’s pressure behind your eyes and your chest aches and it’s too much-

   "Why does it hurt so much, Levi? I didn't know it hurt this much...!"

   Levi comes round his desk, and once again his arms wrap around you in a hug. You grasp his cravat, not choking him, but brining him into you more. 

   "I'm not going to tell you it goes away, (Y/n). It hardly does. The pain just fades, like an old but healed wound. But if you do things you love, it helps dull the hurt more."

   "But what could I love?! All the things I loved happened with them and you...!"

   You're cut off with the feeling of his mouth pressed against yours. You feel his own pain and grief through the soft but passionate kiss, and know exactly what you were going to think before.

    _Somebody make me feel alive_

_And shatter me._

   "Levi, I love you."


End file.
